Don’t be Naff,,,,

Don’t be naff,,,,
Written for Historic Hamilton by Hugh Hainey,

D’ye mind the auld Hamilton Advertizer buildin’ doon in Campbell street?
Well, across the road thir wis a tattoo parlour, a thought thit it wis neat,,
Ma pals wur goadin me intae gittin wan, cause they awe hid wan ur two,
Bit, I’ll tell ye boy a wid never hiv done it if a knew then whit a know noo,,
A went in tae hiv a swatch’ n’ saw smashing drawins’ awe ower the place,
Thir wis a wee guy wae bottle glesses n’ tattoos oan his arms n’ his face,
He said, take a wee look through them books n’ tell is whit wan thit ye like,
“A hert wae mother? Superman? A Snake? ur a naked wummin oan a byke,,,
A big decision fur a boy o’ fourteen, aweright, that wan of the pirate a says,,
God ma erm wis goupin’ n’ a wis sweatin whin a looked through the haze,,
Whits that!! “a parrot” a said “a pirate ya numpty” where’s ma buccaneers,,,
A bet ye awe know exactly whit he said aye, “oan the side o’ yir buccanhead,,,,
A couple of days later ma erm swelled up, a dirty needle gave is a infection,,
Hairmyers, fur anither needle, bit a hid tae drope ma pants fur an injection,,,
So be wary, n’ tell awe yir kids n’ grandkids, no tae git a tattoo cause thir naff,,
Tell thim tae buy a Bazooka” n’ git wannnie them wans ye kin jist wash aff,,

(Bloody parrot)


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